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just another cold tuesday breakfast
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| Hmmm... |
[31 Aug 2005|09:48pm] |
Well it looks like the coast is clear... of everything. It's insane trying to describe to people in the Portland the devastation that a hurricane can have on a community especially when they don't watch the news.
All I know is that all of my family in Long Beach, Mississippi is safe and I can only hope that the same is true for my friends. My uncle stayed in Diamondhead and called me en route to Pensacola where my aunt lives saying that all of my families houses in Mississippi are still standing. I guess that's one big miracle considering that most people lost a lot when Katrina came to town.
My prayers are with you all from Portland, OR to Mississippi and New Orleans.
I'm volunteering Mardi Gras to be held in Portland this year. I had Mike at the Belmont Inn learn to make Hurricane's in celebration last night of my family being ok. We can do Mardi Gras here this year :)
Paul
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| Times are a changing |
[21 Mar 2005|11:19pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
] |
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music |
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Gabriela Anders - Embrace Me |
] |
It's actually pretty funny. My room mate Craig said to me yesterday when I picked him up at work in my new wheels. He said that he must be growing up. Before his friends would but cars and they would be 1976 impala's for $300 and now his friends are buying sedan's and making payments of $300 a month. Haha. I thought it was pretty funny.
Work is getting a little ... muh blahnah. That's the only safe way to describe it. Ever since becoming a supervisor I never expected it to be easier, but I definately didn't expect to be back on the phones for half of my day. I have to do 20 hours of phone time this week in addidtion to all my administrative tasks. Looks like I'll be working long days. 8am-10pm days. Woot. Wednesday I have a 3 hour training class and then 4 hours of phone time... and 8 hours of supervisor work. Good thing I'm salary now.
Oh, and I have to get my Orgeon driver's license this week. Hah. I still have my Mississippi one. tee hee.
I can't complain though and I hope it doesn't look like I am complaining. I really do love my job. I love the people I work with. The last two hours of my day I spent talking to everyone in an irish accent the slipped into cockney every now and again. I did this to my agents not customers on the phone. Although, on my last day being Irish might be phone.
or drunk... same difference :)
Paul
P.S. To any Irish people I have offended... piss off and kiss my blarney stone.
P.S.S. I am Irish.
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[20 Mar 2005|11:28pm] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
] |
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music |
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Tori Amos featuring Damien Rice-The Power of Orange Knickers |
] |
I just bought a car.
A brand new 2005 Saturn L300! I love it and it looks just like this (black even). This isn't a picture of my actual car. It's dark outside now and my camera phone is on the fritz. more to come later.
Life is looking up. Change is good. :)
Paul
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| Malajusted dyslexia |
[27 Feb 2005|12:37am] |
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mood |
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indifferent |
] |
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music |
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Vanilla Sky Soundtrack *i love that movie and soundtrack* |
] |
So, I find myself oddly depressed, but not. That makes absolutely no sense and that is fine, because most days I make less sense than most people. It's weird. I feel like I'm sad, but I have no reason to be sad. Then I shrug it off and find something else for my mind to occupy.
I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. I'm just not in the mood. I want a few more days off for no other reason than to have those days off. I really do enjoy my job though. I just need a break from that place for more than two days because it seems those two days just fly by. I seem to spend a lot of time at work. a lot of time. I need to get out of there when I'm scheduled to more often.
I have a very limited social life as well. I don't say that to be depressive or put out an invitation to a pity party, that's just the way it is right now. I feel lost most times. When I try to talk to people about anything that I might be feeling, no matter how inane, I'm reminded of that one song "I just needed someone to talk to and you were just to busy with yourself..." And after I remind myself of that song I realize that my life ain't that bad and convince myself that I'm not that depressed and I really don't feel that way.
But... then I wonder. Do I really feel that way? I internalize a lot of feelings. I shrug off a lot of my emotions as immaterial to my life. I don't know why I do that, it's just what I have always done. I sit in a dark room right now with a zen water fountain running and a coffee cake scented candle burning. My roommate is a sleep, out cold I supposed, but then I could be wrong. These seems very melodramatic, but it's nothing of the sort.
I just really wanted life to be something I looked forward to. I think the reason that I don't like to go to sleep is partly because I have to do it all over again tomorrow. I have to have another day, another day living the way I do. This is starting to sound very depressing and here is where I hit my impasse.
I do not want this life to end. I will NEVER pro-actively seek to end my life before i'm meant to die, but anytime anyone expresses feelings such as these it's an automatic flag to comfort someone. I hate that. I hate people who express feelings as a way to vy for attention. This is how I feel. Why do I write this?
So that you reading this can realize that you aren't the only one that feels this way.
Paul
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| The turmoil, the strife, the ... discount wig woms |
[08 Jan 2005|11:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 restless |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Elton John - Goodbye Yellow Brick Road |
] |
So I finished my first week of being an acting supervisor. I didn't get to act much. Most of it was watching. I guess I shouldn't complain though. Everyone keeps telling me to be glad that I am getting paid to do this now and yadda yadda. I just want to do my job and get it done. I need to be productive. I'm waiting for my work to provide me with the necessary logins. It appears that I have all the correct access, but I guess that will be for Monday to decide.
So, I'm kind of blasay (sp?... phoenetic: "blah-zayh") right now and not finding a dictionary to correct that word. I think I'm in a funk, but not really. I'm just kind of... here. I've been reading every now and again. I just finished Slaghterhouse-Five for the first time and I just started Galápagos both by Kurt Vonnegut. Immediately I could tell that he was left handed and I enjoy his tangents. It's been a very interesting read. I recommend for anyone who still likes to think, I realize that is becoming more and more a limited audience now-a-days.
------------
blase - bla·sé - 1. Uninterested because of frequent exposure or indulgence. 2. Unconcerned; nonchalant: had a blasé attitude about housecleaning. 3. Very sophisticated.
Dictionary.com
------------
I had to look it up.
I went "home" to Mississippi and found that it wasn't "home" at all. I just finished watching 'Garden State' and there were a lot of reference to a "home" idea that I could relate to very well. That was a good show. I honestly couldn't wait to get back to Portland, where I consider home (don't tell my mom that though). Still, what is here for me in Portland?
It's a place where I work. It's a place where I sleep. It's a place where I exist.
Is it a place for something more? I don't know right now. I've kind of fell into the cogs of routine were I spend most of my time waiting , dismissing, or procrastinating on things that remind me of people I've forgotten or at least tried to hide.
I don't know if I like who I've become, but that's the person I am right now. There's not really much else that I can be at this point. I can always change again for my perceived better, but then again my perception is not always going to be the best idea. Damn big brains.
I think I'm going to allow my brain to take over. It seems to do that a lot when my body shuts down and I sleep.
I'm going to try and pray. We'll see what happens.
Paul
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| Back in action |
[03 Jan 2005|11:17pm] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Portishead - Mourning Air |
] |
I'm back in Portland... I actually got back into Portland on Dec 30th, but I've just been cleaning, running errands, and relaxing.
The trip home was uneventful and full of family. That is not a horrible thing. It was a good christmas in Mississippi. It was good spending time with my family. It was awkward at times because there was definitely a few elephants in the room. I found out what they all were when I was back in Portland and my uncle called me to wish me a happy new year's.
BLAH. That's all I'll comment about that conversation. It was a great honest conversation and I appreciate my uncle being honest about everyone's situation. That's more than I can say for my other relatives. That's life though I suppose.
The moral of my trip: I don't want to be like my extended family. I have the personality of my mom with the confidence of my father (the best traits of both of them). Never again, do I feel, I will ever travel home for me... it will always for the sake of someone else.
There is no pull to go back to Mississippi of my own accord.
Employment news: I got the promotion. It takes effect tomorrow. My schedule is 8am - 5pm; Mon - Fri and I am a Customer Care Acting Supervisor. I'm pretty stoked. It sucks though having to wake up at 6:30am-ish to take a shower and eat and catch a 7:27am bus to get me there by 8am. And I only work 40 blocks on the same street from my house.
Apparently in February they're moving an hour and a half communte from my house. I don't know if I can handle that. I might need to buy a car if this promotion pays me enough. blarg. I'll have to pray about this hardcore. I need God's help on this issue.
It's amazing how trivial my pleas to God really are. Most people have dire prayers for friends, family members, personal problems, etc. I just ask God to help me get to work or find a better way to get there. I'm grateful for that.
As always, Lots of Love
Paul
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| I made it... meh |
[20 Dec 2004|12:54am] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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Craig Meade - Hello |
] |
So I am now in the Mississippi. The state, not the river.
It took me 22 hours by plane. I got on my first flight at 8:52pm saturday night out of Portland headed toward Las Vegas, NV. Well, they decided to stop in Spokane, WA and then go to Vegas. We arrived in Vegas at 12:34am. My connecting flight to Atlanta left at 12:20am. We were supposed to be in Las Vegas at 10:55pm.
So they had to rebook my flight at 6:15am and instead of getting in at MIssissippi at 9:30am as planned they rebook that connection to be in at 2:44pm. They offered me a hotel, I declined because at that point it was already 1am and by the time I got checked in and blah dah blah I would maybe get 1 hour of sleep.
So I get on my 6:15am flight and they are going through the safety protocol and all of a sudden the right engine doesn'tw ork. So we have to unload the plan, wait for a part to be shippied to Vegas from Salt Lake City (3 hours). So they gave me a $7 food voucher. We finally got on the plane at 9:50am and they had to rebook my Atlanta connection to Gulfport at 6:50pm.
The Atlanta to Gulfport plane was late so we didn't get into the air until 7:40pm. I made it to Mississippi with my luggage and everything at 8:45pm.
22 hours (time zone difference) from the time I left.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
But I am home. My cell phone is still dead. I have to go to a sprint service and repair here in mississippi and they might have to have a new phone shipped out to me. @_%#*()&%#$&*( Why does it always pour before it rains??????
I probably won't be on this much while I am in Mississippi because my parents only have a 28.8 connection (*dies*) and the CPU is sooooooooooooooo sloooooooooooooooooooow. Not enough RAM... *meh*
I'm going to call Jess... errg... it's like 1am though... meh. I want to get a hold of her.
Lots of Love,
Paul
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| Tangeld Twisted Fate |
[18 Dec 2004|01:46am] |
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mood |
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crushed |
] |
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music |
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Craig Meade - ?Lost? (title unknown ... track 8 on my cd) |
] |
Please keep ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) rckstar13 and her family in your prayers. Her father was just murdered. I've attempted to call her, but no answer. Please pray for them.
My cell phone broke today. I fly out tomorrow evening to go back home to Mississippi until Janurary 3rd. I have to go to Sprint tomorrow and hopefully have them fix my phone. I have insurance, but that is such a pain in the butt.
I got the supervisor position. I start on January 3rd with a team of 20 all my own, but somehow this good news doesn't make me happy in light of my first statement.
Jess, I'm praying for you and I will give you a call as soon as I get my cell phone up and running... not only that I'll be in Mississippi and I hope that we can hang out.
I now have straight hair. I got it straightenened (intentional). I'd post a pic, but the pic was on my camera phone.
mumbled jumbled thoughts. no time to respond to people... just... praying for Jess.
Lots of Love,
Paul
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| Jambalaya Jambouree@! |
[14 Dec 2004|09:42pm] |
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mood |
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okay |
] |
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music |
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Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories - Waiting for Wednesday |
] |
I made Jambalaya all this weekend for last night's meal. My room mate Craig and I prepared a lovely meal of Molasses Sourdough Cornbread, Chicken and Andouille Jambalaya, and French String Beans prepared for Sorahi (Craig's g/f), Sahar (Sorahi's sis), and Deb (mother of Sor and Sah). Also, various forms of tea were prepared for an all around good time. Norah Jones played in the background and the fire place bustled with ... well, fire.
I think everything went over well. It may have been too spicy for them, but it's a spicy dish. I thought it was one of my better batches of jambalaya goodness. The rice was a little firm, but these things happen.
It was a good night. I wrote a lot last night and today... about a lot of things. I think I'll post one of them here...
"Someday... Soon" By: Paul Blanchard 12/13/2004 4:56PM PST
My emotions are starting to leak into my dreams
I thought I had the shackles on so tight
From the inside my heart is starting to swell
And I'm doing all I can to prevent it
from overpowering my outside facade.
I hide these thoughts, these fears, this love.
I hide it because I don't know how to show it.
I don't know how to feel this way, I
Don't even know if I should. A tear?
Strange. Tears were lost to me long ago
When the winter nights didn't used to come
So early. I always told myself that
My wife would make me cry. Why?
Because she would be the most perfect
Soul. Such a soul I don't deserve to know
Yet alone share. Even when I'm nearing
Her I know how to hold back. Sheltering
My heart from what could cause it to break.
The tears I can clean, but heartbreak,
I could not mend. All I ever wanted
Was someone to protect. Someone to hold
Close. Someone to love. Could I have
Found her? Could God have directed
Me here? I won't get my hopes up.
I don't know how she feels... God willing
I hope I will learn someday...
Soon.
Yeah so that's kind of the weirdness in my head. I've never had feelings like this before, but shouldn't I first have these feelings toward God? Eh.. maybe this is a thought for another day.
In His Love,
Paul
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| He moves in mysterious ways... |
[12 Dec 2004|03:24am] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
] |
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music |
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Lisa Loeb - What Am I Supposed to Say? |
] |
Today was pretty eventful in a variety of extremes. I woke up this morning and began watching some TV series' that I have been neglecting because I don't like TV. It was mildly entertaining and placated me for a while. Then I remembered... free couch.
In the ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) damnportlanders there was a posting. So, my room mate Caleb and I went and obtained our treasure. This is the most comfortable couch I have ever sat on. Yes, It rivals kittens.
Then when I got back home and the couch was moved in I remember that I had to go grocery shopping to get Jambalaya supplies. I'm starting to make jambalaya tomorrow and hoping for it to be finished cooking by Monday night for dinner with the Harati's. I make it with love. Craig wants me to show him how to make jambalaya. I'm going to try my best. There are recipes out there for jambalaya, but it's really something you just do... feel your way through it. eh we'll see. I'm also making molasses cornbread. I've never tried it, but I have molasses left over from making my grandma's baked beans so we'll see what develops.
Then at 7... I didn't get there until 8:15 due to public transportation delays... some of my co-workers and myself were having a "white elephant" exchange. It works pretty much the same way as dirty Santa. $20 was the max we could spend. I purchased this 30 piece candle gift set with candles (duh) and candle holders (nice glass ones). $19.99 at Safeway. I bought some for my house as well because with dogs the house can tend to get... funky at times. Especially since puppies are running around until they get sold.
Now, I am by no means a materialistic person. I brought a decent neutral happy gift, well when the dust had settled and life was good, I ended up with the last mystery gift... it was a tin of breath mints that said "your breath smells like butt." Cute, funny, but I would consider it kind of a booby prize of sorts and then I realized something. I wasn't upset because I didn't like the gift I received. The gift I got was kind of a reflection of my life.
I could be reading too much into it (as always), but I always try to bring the best to the table. I try to be a good example, express my beliefs without oppressing, and acknowledge my downfalls and triumphs humbly. I exhaust myself, and am left with breath mints. Receiving back very little of what I actually put in the mix. It's very frustrating. Sad to say, never in my life have I ever felt a genuine connection with anyone until recently. I've had many friends, many experiences, a lot of life; but not many of the people I have met have ever returned the warmth I exuded. I've had a lot of cold relationships. I was left in the cold while I made them warm. It never bothered me... that is until I met a friend who kept me warm too.
I guess you could say that I kind of developed a new definition of my friendships now. I'm still open and honest and passionate with people all the time. I'm just a little more particular with who I allow close to me. Maybe that's a bad thing, but while I'm for God to move and move in me this will be the way I wait. In a friendship that keeps me warm because it was inspired by God.
I could provide for her now... sooner than I thought... but... the time is not right... I hate waiting... I hate not knowing... hate is a strong emotion... it takes a lot to hate something... I could never hate her... I think I might... I might actually... really might...
Paul
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| zoinks |
[10 Dec 2004|02:17am] |
I was going to write this amazing entry... and then I ran out of ink.
I guess steam would be more appropriate. Tired. Interview tomorrow. God's awesome. Love life D.O.A. :)
When God told me to move west, I never saw myself where I am now... but I guess that's what separates me from God. I can't see myself, and God always sees me.
Tired ramblings of a fever ridden fool? Hah maybe. Or maybe it's the smartest thing I've ever heard... said... inked.
:)
Much Love from Up Above,
Paul
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| Am I too young to be retrospective? |
[08 Dec 2004|02:54am] |
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mood |
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 determined |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Calamine - Document |
] |
I decided to look back on my life at 3am and compare my 21st birthday with my 22nd birthday.
21st birthday entailed me going out with friends from work to a bar and getting utterly smashed.
22nd birthday entailed friends of faith having a surprise party for me where we are cake and then watched "Goldmember"
Depending on the person, you might choose one of these over the other. Interesting to say that right now in my life I choose what happened on my 22nd birthday over what I did on my 21st. On the other side of the coin, at 21 I would have not chosen what happened on my 22nd birthday.
My awesome friend Jessica bought me this spiffy messenger bag. When I have more time I'll post a picture. I added a caption to it and I will post that as well when it's not 3am. Craig, my room mate and best friend because of God, gave me the complete unabridged works of William Shakespeare (I've been meaning to brush up on my sonnets and ye olde english) and a journal with St. Francis's Prayer on it and then explaining to me "I got it because I realized that you praying this prayer would be redundant to how you already live you life." An interesting and humbling comment, and yet... so bizarre that he sees that in me already. God is so awesome sometimes. I still can't believe I found a friend like this in Oregon... not that every friend I've ever had was not important, but ... this is oddly different. I am meant to do something God wants and I know it's something greater than myself with Craig's help or helping Craig... or something...
God is making so many changes in me... I quit smoking, drinking, eating candy, drinking soda and now drink only water (4 weeks now... i do have the occasional chai though). I pray for discernment. I have an interview tomorrow... well today. I need to go to bed, but I'm having trouble sleeping because I'm nervous. I need to go to bed... errrg! Please pray for me in my interview... if God wants this to happen I am ready, but if not allow me to abide in God's will.
She signed my birthday card in an interesting way... i think she wants me to hold onto it for a while... or maybe I'm just reading into things...
May God Bless and Keep you all,
Paul Blanchard
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| Live doesn't taste the same anymore |
[04 Dec 2004|11:27pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
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music |
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Michael Andrews feat. Gary Jules - Mad World (Alternate Ver) |
] |
I realized something pretty major right now. I can only cry for other people, never for myself. I don't know whether that's pathetic or a strength, but I guess it all depends on who's answering the question.
I don't know what to think right now... about much of anything. The most interesting thing is that nothing really triggered this thought process... animosity I guess would be the emotion. I just feel... like I'm here. To take up space.
In contrast with my last post, I smile at the irony. "Expressions of God" to "expressionless duplicity"... news at 11.
I just feel like life is moving around me and I'm just riding the current, but not enjoying it. I'm just tossed around from wave to wave waiting for my chance to take a breath.
So many ideas of right and wrong conflicting upon themselves everyday. I find it interesting that the most conviction you'll find in the everyday average person, is when they're defending their addictions. Ask someone their faith or what they believe in and (again depending on the person... it's my journal i choose to generalize here) they back peddle the answer. They respond in confidence or consequence not knowing which one themselves either.
I just thought it was interesting that you'll find more excuses and justification out of all if not most drug addicts and then cryptic indecision out of most believers in anything. Not that i'm looking for excuses or justification mind you, I just think it's interesting that we, as people, can believe in something greater than we are so absent minded-ly as opposed to something controlling us without us noticing and then justify the addiction until the day we die.
Humanity... it's a crazy mixed up world... can I get off yet?
Paul
***Addendum:****
After writing this entry I was enticed into taking one of those silly online quiz things that give you a pregenerated message of some sort...
Yeah... God needs to lay off me. Can't I have one day when He isn't breathing down my neck?
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| "What I am to You, is not what You mean to me..." |
[03 Dec 2004|01:28am] |
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mood |
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discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Damien Rice - Volcano |
] |
"...You give me miles and miles of mountains and I ask for the sea."
That's a really good line. It really made me think when I heard that song. My life has changed a lot in a short time. It's very intimidating. I quit smoking (8 weeks now), I stopped drinking soda (3 weeks now) and drink only water (with the occasional chai tea or fuit juice subsitute), I stopped staying up late, started reading the Bible (growing up Catholic I didn't realy physically read the Bible much), went back to church (5th week now), stop drinking (occasional to begin with... few and far between now)....
It's scary. Most people would say that this is a good thing, and I would agree. What scares me is I know that God is preparing me for something. That scares me the most.
Most of you might dismiss my wanderings and Paul being Paul. Well, maybe it is just Paul being Paul, but it's been a long time since God has moved in me like He has in the past.
Work was uneventful. I almost lost my cool. My patience is wearing very thin with that place. I wonder if it's a reflection of the changes God is making in me. Before I just accepted where I work as where God placed me for now... and maybe that's the point. Maybe I've accomplished what God wanted. What scares me again is... what does God want next? I already moved frickin half way across the country, broke, very little food, suriving on returned soda cans for a while in the midst of a job hunt, dropped out of school to pursue my perception of what God wanted... now that i'm semi-established it's time to move again? Eh. wouldn't surprize me. We'll see what happens though. God better be happy that I'm so care free... but then again He made me, so He should know that I'd push back a little with good intentions. But I think Bob Dylan had that song where the road to hell was paved with good intentions. I guess that seals the deal. I'm bound for hell with good intentions. I better bring a cooler.
haha, I don't know what's next, but i'll keep you all posted. I'll make it through like I always do keeping God close at hand. I don't ask for much from God, but I'd like to hope I do enough by presenting Him to others in my own daily life without pushing my pamphlets into peoples palms.
Hmmm... here I go again... those long lost posts from long ago rambling to and about God. I bet these get old to some people :0P
Maybe I'll ask her to help me this weekend... nah... that would be weird. She's got other plans...
Lots of love from Up Above,
Paul
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| I wonder what Moldovian food tastes like...? |
[01 Dec 2004|09:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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optimistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Cranbrries - Just My Imagination |
] |
So I had this really rad idea a few days ago for a movie / book. So now I'm writing a book. And then I'm turning it into a screen play. Why? Because I can. It's a really interesting concept that I've never seen tackled before and it's a fictional account about a friendship of mine in the past... but 20 some odd years from now. I'm not divulging anymore until I get it copy written... or unless I really like you and know you won't steal my idea.
Work was work like it always was. I researched some ideas between calls for my book. I'm basing one of the characters in the country of Moldova (between the Ukraine and Romania) simply because I don't think it's ever been done and the politics of that area are fascinating to me the more I learn.
Moldova became independent of the Soviet Union in 1991 and declared themselves a Republic and yet in their recent election the elected a Communist President and 71 of the 100 members of their Parliament are also Communist. So, they declared independence, but then elected the same regime?
I've been downloading Moldovian music videos as well. I want to create a believable character.
So if anyone is from or has ever been to Moldova EMAIL, IM, or Comment. I would like your direct experiences so I can research the country well enough to make it believable
And just so you know, it's a psychological suspense novel of sorts with more drama than anything, but weird follow through. I love it. I cant wait until it's a movie.
I wish I could see her today. Maybe Friday...
Oh, pardon my space-ness... December 19th - December 30th I will be in Mississippi. I would like to hang out with most of you (if I don't answer the phone that's not just because I wasn't near my phone... take it as a hint ok?... hehe j/k).
God moves in many ways... I don't know if I ever could grasp that concept completely.
Lots of Love,
Paul
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| What I've Learned |
[30 Nov 2004|01:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Carly Simon - You're So Vain |
] |
Upon looking back at all my old journal enteries, I realized that I have changed a lot. Both for the good and the bad. I've met so many people worth meeting and my life has been impacted in many ways. I can never begin to describe them even here. So many people in my past used to read this... people I never thought would or could... I wonder if anyone is still floating... hoping that I update again someday...
Nostalgia aside for a moment, Today at work a lot of things hit me all at once. I have strayed a lot in my faith and strayed a lot in the character I had. I made many sacrifices to allow myself to be the person I felt I had to be. No longer will I let that hold me back though. Very funny that the only thing truly holding me back was myself. Hah. I guess that's how it always ends up though.
God is a fickle cowboy with a lasso on my soul, but do I want to be hog tied?
I came up with that one night at a friend's (and now roommate's) show. God has put a friend in my life that has changed a lot in me. I know Craig didn't do it, God did it. It's still amazing to me that after almost four years God still finds a way to answer old prayers long forgotten.
There's also a girl I've met a few times and feel somewhat strongly about... her smile, that time she tried tickling me, the pout when she was ready to go, the hug she gave me before she even knew me, and the way the sunlight hit her that day... I'm going to not pursue that endeavour immediately... even though I want to... some people might consider that foolish, but I think it's the wisest course for me right now. Considering that God is putting a lot on my heart right now. If she fits in, she will, and I will be waiting for the day when I can tell her that... and also that from the first moment I saw her, she had a place in my heart.
I can't promise to update often, but I'll do my best. It hit me today to put something here. No lj cuts for me either because it's been awhile since I have posted. If you don't like it... tough. Deal with it or unfriend me :-P
Putting my things down, flipping it, and reversing it;
Count Luap Drahcnalb
a.ka.
Paul Kenneth Blanchard
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[10 Nov 2004|12:59am] |
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mood |
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 enthralled |
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I just really want to type that I've downloaded every entry I've ever typed in this online journal and I'm reading them.
I want to see how much I've changed and then update accordingly. I doubt anyone is still around who knows how I used to write on this thing (doubt meaning that you remember how I used to write... not that you don't exist anymore... i'm sure you're out there)
I think I'll post what I find out about myself... because it's interesting.
Lots of Love,
?aul
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| still alive |
[27 Oct 2004|09:49pm] |
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mood |
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okay |
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music |
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Goo Goo Dolls - Gutterflower - 02 - Think About Me |
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I'm still alive...
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that's all i really wanted to say for now... maybe more later :-D
Hope all is well in livejournal land
-?aul
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| still alive... |
[07 Aug 2004|12:29am] |
just working... bored...
i might update more in depth one of these days...
?aul
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